


An Eternity Spent Moving In Circles

by corvidae9



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-06
Updated: 2006-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:02:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29460966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corvidae9/pseuds/corvidae9
Summary: How we get to where we are from where we were (SS/RL, SS/RB, past SB/RL)
Relationships: Regulus Black/Severus Snape, Remus Lupin/Severus Snape, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 3





	An Eternity Spent Moving In Circles

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the kinda_lush opening ficathon, prompt: 'spinner's end', and it took a while to figure out how to tell this story. juice817 beta read this and she's still one of my favorite people ever.

**February 16, 1980**  
Severus stood graveside with several remaining members of the House of Black as the ornate black box was lowered into the ground. Bellatrix stood, arm through Rodolphus', her free hand clutching a handkerchief (as if she hadn't been the one who had cast the final curse as Rodolphus held down a bloody and nearly unmoving Regulus). Narcissa stood pale and elegant; a melancholy china doll in a black dress, Lucius' hand on her back, his head bowed. Severus wondered whether Narcissa knew that it was Lucius' laughter that had rung through the room as Bellatrix had cast said curse.

Just up the hill, he could see Black with Potter halfway up his arse, as usual, with Lupin and Pettigrew a half-step behind. Black looked almost affected, while the other three appeared ready to draw at any time in defense of their beloved blood traitor. How sweet.

The minister finished with his inanities and the Black family Apparated away soon after the requisite flower-dropping and dabbing at eyes. Malfoy shot a significant look in his direction just before disappearing from sight. Severus however stood rooted to the spot, his eyes on the headstone as the lone laborer began to fill the plot over, the sounds of dirt thunking on wood and the fresh greenery that covered it making his stomach turn.

"As if you hadn't done enough," came the unmistakable voice that Severus was ashamed to admit still struck a chord of dread and loathing in his mind. "You've got to pretend you give a fuck now."

He steeled his spine and lifted his chin, forcing a sneer as the hand in his pocket clenched around his wand. "It was more than you did, Black."

Gryffindors were too easy, honestly. Even if they didn't attack you, you could always see the flinch; the knowledge that they wanted to was too easy to come by. Black did, in fact, flinch visibly, and Potter's hand was immediately on his shoulder, though for once, he didn't say anything as Black continued.

"Were you there when they did it? Better, did you do it yourself?"

This time it was Lupin's low voice making the attempt to cut him off with a quiet, "Sirius," but it was no use. Black went on, face red.

"Come on, Snivellus, tell us how you got your revenge on me by killing my brother," Black spat, succeeding in jerking his shoulder away from Potter as he advanced on Severus.

The very idea that he'd harmed Regulus struck him almost as a physical blow might have. Severus had known for a long time that he was very much responsible for having recruited Regulus, for following Lucius' instructions to take advantage of the boy's need for guidance in his last year of school.

Severus had originally found it infinitely amusing that anyone would think _he_ could be a role model of any sort. But it was clear the loss of Regulus' brother to Dumbledore's pack of pet Gryffindors had brought him lower than anyone could have suspected. And Severus was officially an adult with all that entailed, which meant he had the means and the money to procure for the boy cigarettes, alcohol... anything else he could want, illicit or not. They were very basically the same sorts of things that Lucius had done to convince Severus that he was better served in throwing his support behind Voldemort, in conjunction with the fact that Regulus already had his family (save for the fucking menace of his brother) pressuring him to uphold the family name. Regulus had whored his pure blood to someone who thought he might be worth the time and effort and had died for his trouble when he finally thought to question it.

"That's enough, Sirius," came Lupin's calm voice again as he nodded his head in Pettigrew's direction.

"We should go," Pettigrew, the useless lump, murmured, tugging on Black's sleeve like the pathetic hanger-on that he was.

Potter took Black's other arm again, but his eyes were on Snape the whole time. "Come on, mate."

Severus stood tall, though his stomach knotted uncomfortably, his knuckles likely white around the wand in his pocket. "Do move along, Black. You'll upset the _family_."

"I'm warning you, Snape!" Black snarled, barely restrained. "You'll pay for this."

Where Black had stood there was only empty air following the telltale crack of an Apparation. Pettigrew's beady eyes were fixed on Severus as he too pulled his wand and Disapparated. Potter exchanged a nod with Lupin, throwing a small bouquet of daylilies hard at Severus' chest. "When I find out how you were involved, believe that nothing will stop my taking it out of your pathetic hide. Mark me."

Potter too was gone before the lilies hit the ground, and then only Lupin was left. Slightly taller than Severus, he appeared by all accounts to be less murderous than his friends, though the irony of using this descriptor for a werewolf had not escaped Severus in any way. Severus waited for the righteous threat that didn't come as Lupin's unnaturally amber eyes bored into him.

The silence between them was nearly tangible by the time Severus finally snarled, "What? No heroic threat?"

Lupin crossed his arms. "Is there a reason I should stop them from taking it out of your hide?" he asked quietly, his gaze unwavering. "Is Sirius right?"

"As if I'd tell you," Snape said, adding almost under his breath, "As if you'd believe me."

"You could try," said Lupin. "If you care as much as I think you did, you would."

His wand was out of his pocket and on Lupin before Severus could stop himself, arm straight but shaking as he held it on the werewolf. "You have no idea," Severus said, though his voice was louder and more shaky than he intended, face pinched tight. "You have no sodding idea."

Lupin tilted his head and took a concessionary step back. "Actually, Severus, if I hadn't before, I think I do now."

###

 **February 24, 1978**  
"Stop watching me, you accursed mutt," Snape snarled, too wrung out to do more than spit venom across the yawning chasm between their starched white infirmary beds, no sign of house colors to be seen but for the multi-colored glass set high in the outward-facing wall.

"Severus, please. Just let me--" the tall boy said, his soft voice scratchy and almost sounding as though he were sincere. Damn them all.

"I said," Severus shot darkly as he mustered the strength to sit and reach far enough to pull shut the drape around his bed, "shut your pathetic mouth, you filthy, halfbreed dog."

Severus only caught a brief flash of hurt as the curtains swung shut, wondering how Lupin had not been made a Slytherin for all the acting he managed so flawlessly.

Falling back onto his pillow with a suppressed groan, Severus pulled the covers back up and ignored Lupin's final attempt.

"I'm sorry. Truly."

###

 **February 27, 1980**  
Severus stood at the door of his home at Spinner's End, fingers numb and clutching the door frame, unwilling to tell his former Headmaster to go away and equally unwilling to invite him in. His mother's voice drifted from the kitchen, shrill in her demand to know who was at the door, and Severus turned away, not quite able to meet Dumbledore's eyes as he said, "I wish I could help you, Professor, but you should go."

###

 **February 24, 1978**  
Late that night Severus woke to skittering and thumping, momentarily panicked by the unfamiliar surroundings until it all flooded back. The voice in the dark was not directed at him, and yet the sound was enough to send a chill up his spine. He curled further in on himself, eternally glad he'd pulled the drape.

Potter was hissing, "You, Sirius. Braindead is what."

Then it was Black's turn, "I know, alright! I know this is my fucking fault, alright? I want to talk to him. Please."

"James-- come on," Pettigrew piped up next. "Let Sirius deal with his own mess."

There was an audible tussle, the thump of someone hitting the ground, and muffled footsteps receding from the room. Severus listened intently, straining to hear the least sound, in case Black should make the attempt on him again, of course.

Instead, he heard what had to have been Black's feet shuffling, the infirmary bed creaking under the weight of a second inhabitant, and a low murmur.

"Remus. Moony, wake up, it's me. I want to talk to you."

"Sirius?" The answer was joyful in its sleepy confusion at first, sliding into anger easily as conscious thought settled in. "Get out."

Black's voice was wheedling, a pathetic attempt of a simpering apology. "Moony, I swear to god, I am so sorry. I didn't think--"

"You never think!" snarled Lupin through the sounds of a weak struggle. "What did you suppose would happen, Sirius? I could have killed him! And the Ministry would have killed _me_. _You_ would have killed me. Because you can't leave him well enough alone." The last bit was muffled, though just as vehement as the rest, the bed creaking again under whatever was going on. Severus could swear he'd heard the moist, telltale smack of lips to skin, which might explain a lot as to why Black would bother spending time in the company of a werewolf. Funny-- before today, he might have thought it would explain why Lupin would bother spending time with the reprobate, rather than the other way around.

The wheedling in the meantime had become begging, taking on a desperate edge that made Severus shift in satisfaction at Black's obvious discomfiture. "Remus. I don't know what to say, how to even begin..."

"So don't." Lupin cut him off with cold finality. "Get out."

Severus hazarded a satisfied smirk. A divide in the Gryffindor ranks, news of which had been delivered with the surprising information that Lupin did in fact have a backbone of his own.

As Black shuffled away with a murmur, it occurred to Severus that he was glad Black did not know that he was just on the other side of the curtain.

Black did not know, but Lupin did. And hadn't bothered to lower his voice or tell Black to do the same.

###

 **March 13, 1980**  
Severus once again stood at the doorway of his own home, though he had no problem meeting Lupin's eyes as he made to shut the door. Lupin, however, was too quick and the edge of his shoe was wedged against the base of the door before it could be slammed in his face.

"I _am_ here on behalf of the Headmaster, but I volunteered to come," Lupin ventured, his voice pitched low. "I still think you want to help."

"You don't think at all," hissed Severus, unthinkingly echoing Lupin's long ago words to Black. "You shouldn't be seen here."

Lupin's hand shot out and closed around Severus' forearm with a strong grip, though not hard enough to cause pain. "Then let me in."

"I can't help you," Severus said as he wrested his arm from Lupin's grasp. "Don't come back."

###

 **March 24, 1978**  
He stood carefully in the artificially darkened niche and watched as Lupin made his way to the infirmary, Black hot on his heels.

"Remus-- listen, I know, alright. I know you hate me, but you can't go alone. You don't have to talk to me; you don't even have to look at me, but Moony'll hurt himself if he's left alone--" Black's voice had taken on what was almost a pleading edge. "You need Padfoot, you know that... Remus?"

Lupin hadn't bothered to stop his fast walk, "Go back to the Tower, Sirius."

"Remus, please."

Tone unrecognizable and fairly snarling, Lupin whipped around faster than humanly possible, caught Black by the throat, and shook him once hard before letting go. "Go, Sirius."

Black stood back ashen-faced as Lupin continued on his way, and Severus was certain that he'd been the only person to hear Lupin murmur, "I can't be held responsible for what I'd do to you."

###

 **March 21, 1980**  
Surprised by the light knock at the back door that led only to the small and patchy vegetable garden behind Spinner's End, Severus was on his feet in an instant, wand in hand. His eyes went wide as he recognized the figure through the small window, and he threw the door open. Fisting a handful of Lupin's jumper, Severus tugged him inside and slammed the door shut behind him, drawing the shade with a 'snap' that almost sounded as if something had broken.

"Fool! As if you hadn't caused enough problems for us. _Me_!"

"Severus. You had to have heard-- "

"I hear it all, Lupin!" Severus growled, releasing Lupin with a shove. "Even if I've no idea what's being discussed, I _hear_ it, and whether it disgusts me or intrigues me or whether I agree with it or not, I do what I'm told. I know my place!"

Lupin watched him say too much, and damn the wolf for not being a bloody hothead like his bosom mate, because, that, at least, Severus knew how to deal with.

He didn't bother to shove the hair back from his own face as he braced his hands on the countertop and spoke again.

"I know my place."

###

 **April 24, 1978**  
Not having the advantage of an Invisibility Cloak, Severus had to out-think Potter in his attempt to get to the infirmary undetected. All told, not the most difficult thing to accomplish, given it involved common sense, and was therefore a foreign language to Potter and his band of idiots.

But there was no band of idiots upon his arrival, only Lupin sleeping soundly under sheets all the more white for the spots of dark red where the bandages on his arm appeared to need changing. Severus set his jaw and watched for signs of the vicious creature that nearly claimed his life and could only see a drawn and unhealthy teenager. Disgusting, that such darkness was so easy to hide. And yet--

The door at the far end of the hall creaked open and Severus bolted for Pomfrey's cloak closet at the opposite end of the room, skidding in just in time to be missed by the newcomers to the infirmary. Quietly, he settled in and waited.

###

 **April 28, 1980**  
Quiet reigned in his house. It was final and irreversible and Severus was at a loss. His mother had never been the most demonstrative woman, but she was all he'd ever had. His father was beneath mention just now; the man had done his beating and been gone for years. His mother, though...

 _His_ house.

Severus held the folio holding the will and the deed to the property loosely in his hands as he stood in the entryway, not having brought himself any closer to going further in.

"Such a shocking accident for a witch in the prime of her life. My brother and I are so sorry for your loss," said a voice behind him, cold and anything but sorry. 

"Thank you, Rabastan," said Severus, tone equally insincere and fraught with loathing as Lestrange came the rest of the way in and shut the door behind himself. Answering automatically as he turned to face Lestrange, Severus murmured, "My family appreciates your kind thoughts in these difficult times."

Lestrange smiled nastily. "Yes, such as it may be. Say, Severus--" he added with completely feigned curiosity, "--aren't you the only one left?"

It wasn't that the thought hadn't occurred to him - it was more that the fact hurt Severus more than he thought it might. Still, jaw set, voice even, Severus answered, "As far as I know, yes."

"Pity," said Lestrange. "You know, I hear that distractions cause accidents. Perhaps if you wish not to die the last, you would do well to avoid distractions." He stepped forward and set his hand on Severus' shoulder and shook gently, what would normally be a consoling gesture becoming a threatening one. "Things like werewolves on Dumbledore's leash."

Nauseous, Severus' stomach roiled, though he hadn't eaten in two days, as Lestrange tilted his head in mock concern. "Here now. Listen to me going on. I should leave you to your grief." Thumping Severus on the arm with a grave nod, he went on, "Remember-- this too shall pass."

Severus watched Lestrange turn and go, the 'click' of the door behind him enough to send Severus to his knees.

###

 **May 22, 1978**  
He didn't know why he watched Lupin around the full moons, but this would be the last before school ended and they both Left. Severus didn't have any time left to question it, and as such, found a location just outside the infirmary from which he could watch. The next person he heard was Black, running to catch up with Lupin's long, quiet strides.

"Remus, please..." was all he had to say and Severus was again sneering; smug in the knowledge that Lupin at least had better sense than half the school than to fall for Black's act of contrition. This time, however, Lupin stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, turning to face Black, who didn't stop moving forward until he was flush with Lupin, arms around him. "God. Thank you. You don't know how much I-- gah. You just don't--"

Eyes narrow, Severus watched unaware of his own fists clenching as Lupin's hands came up and fisted the back of Black's shirt. Lupin lifted his head again and Black leaned in as if to kiss him, but Lupin turned away, hand to the side of Black's face. "No, Sirius."

Black looked as though he'd been struck. "But--"

Lupin ran a thumb across Black's cheekbone and then let that hand drop to his shoulder as he took a step back and away. "I forgive you, Sirius. But I won't forget it."

Mouth open and working like some sort of imbecile, Black finally set his jaw with a crack that Severus could swear he heard even from his hiding place. He too took a step back and offered one curt nod as he looked away from Lupin. "Alright. I, um. I'll take that." Black blew a puff of air up through his fringe and nodded again. "We'd better get going, Moony."

"Yeah," said Lupin, voice hoarse enough that he had to clear it before going on. "Prongs and Wormtail are already on the way. You'd better run if you don't want to have your arse kicked by that bloody tree."

"Right. See you," Black called over his shoulder, having already turned on his heel. Severus frowned as Lupin did, the werewolf's lip shaking as he watched Black run off for only a moment before returning to his own path to the infirmary.

Severus should have been pleased, really. Should have been smugly satisfied that the falling out was more permanent than he would have put stock in, and yet, all he could do was stare in the direction that Black had disappeared, the hate he held for Black roiling and growing exponentially for no discernible reason.

###

 **May 2, 1980**  
Severus stood in the Headmaster's office, head bowed as Dumbledore regarded him carefully over the top of his half-moon spectacles and steepled fingers.

"Your life would not be easy. It would be built on a web of lies and deception and I couldn't promise you a scheduled end to any of it," Dumbledore paused. "If you are coming to me merely for revenge, then you are in the wrong place, my boy."

After another short pause, Severus shook his head. "I can no longer serve him, and I cannot hope to stand on my own."

Dumbledore continued to watch him, tempted to tell him that he could, in fact, stand on his own, should he so choose, though such a thing was never a Slytherin's choice; to tell him to run far and fast and not look back, and yet, he did not. He was willing to take one more burden of guilt on his soul if it meant ending this war.

The Headmaster looked down before nodding once again. "I will send you a contact on behalf of The Order within the week."

###

 **August 23, 1978**  
Severus made his way slowly down Diagon Alley, awash with a mix of relief and dread as he spotted his quarry. Dressed in the finest street clothing he owned, he sidestepped into the younger boy's path and inclined his head, the picture of grace.

"Regulus. I trust your summer has gone well. Would you care to join me for a drink?"

###

 **May 6, 1980**  
Severus made his way slowly down Knotckturn Alley, certain that the Headmaster had reconsidered. That he was at this moment busily ignoring Severus' request for assistance; the offer of his loyalties in exchange for his skin, which he had no business prizing so highly.

A cloaked figure brushed past him and murmured, "Apologies, sir." The man's head came up enough that Severus caught sight of a familiar face.

"You?" Severus hissed, grimacing. "Of course."

"Regrettably, I can't ask you to join me for a drink," Lupin said with what might have been a gentle smile. "But perhaps you'd care to disappear with me for a bit so that we may discuss your business with the Headmaster?"

###

 **January 3, 1979**  
Severus gritted his teeth as he climbed into his bed fully dressed, the fresh Mark on his left arm still burning, wishing he could tell himself that he knew it had been a bad idea. Truthfully he could say no such thing. It was an idea, and that was all. A means to an end, 'good' and 'bad' weighted not at all in the scheme of these things.

If the end had grown indistinct, then it was he, Severus, that needed to work on bringing it back into focus.

###

 **May 31, 1980**  
Severus regarded the werewolf across the table from him in his own kitchen, knowing his mother would never have allowed it if she were alive, if she had known, at least. Two days out from the full moon, it would have been hard not to, or perhaps it was that it was hard not to see because Severus knew where to look. A lingering bandage poking out from underneath the edge of the worn sleeve of a jumper, the dark circles, and the slower movement than usual all gave it away, but Severus pushed the teacup across to Lupin anyway, watching almost fascinated as he methodically added more sugar than Severus would add to the entire pot. Watching at least was something he was used to.

"I'm fine," Lupin murmured as he took a sip of his tea.

"That much is obvious given that you're moving about as if you were _one hundred_ and twenty," scowled Severus as he took a sip of his own unadulterated tea.

"Ah. That," said Lupin, setting his cup down, but keeping it close, "is a function of the fact that I still feel as though I was beaten with a stick. However, it's better than it was yesterday. And I don't plan to let it stop me." He spoke with a matter of fact determination, punctuated by another sip of tea, holding the cup up slightly. "Thank you for this, by the way. Are you ready to move on?"

Severus scowled, set his own cup down, and stalked away, leaving Lupin staring after him confused for the few seconds it took for him to unlock the cabinet in the pantry that held his medicinal potions. Returning with four small green vials and two blue, he set them down beside Lupin's teacup. "It's all I can spare at the moment. The green are pain relievers, the blue, muscle relaxants. I suggest the blue at bedtime only, unless you enjoy doing Dumbledore's bidding while boneless."

Lupin blinked, gratitude etched on his features and Severus couldn't stand to see it. Instead, he moved to lock his cabinets again and take his seat, pointedly not meeting Lupin's gaze. "Let us begin."

###

 **June 30, 1979**  
His eyes were the wrong color, as was his hair, but Regulus was about the right height; just a bit taller than his brother and just soft enough that the Dark Lord's taint was something that scared him even as it seduced him, and rather effectively. Almost as well as Severus had, in fact. And every time he watched the boy sleep, worn out and marked up, Severus smiled, smug in the knowledge that a year ago, he would never have thought himself capable of this. It was entirely possible that Regulus had his brother to thank, indirectly. If it hadn't been for Black's prank, Severus might never have realized just how easily one could be ruled by emotion for another. Love. Attachment. Loyalty. Friendship. 

Jealousy.

They all stirred the blood. And Severus had resolved to work out exactly how to master them.

###

 **June 24, 1980**  
The hair was the right color this time, as were the eyes now shut in sleep. Everything was right, but not for long given that doing any of this was a chance neither should take, and yet did. Severus smirked less this time at the thought of how easily one could be ruled by emotion for another, making the futile attempt at declaring himself the exception as his long, Potions-stained fingers traced the intricate scars on Lupin's shoulder. A year and a half ago, he might have been more capable of pulling away from the Dark Lord's fold and finding comfort in just such an arrangement, but the Mark on his arm was a taint from which he would never be free, as was the memory of Regulus Black.

Regret, too, stirred the blood. Severus had no time for studying the mastery of it, and yet it seemed to find time to torment him.

###

 **January 8, 1980**  
"I talked to my brother last week," murmured Regulus, muffled as his mouth was pressed to Severus' shoulder.

The very mention of the Black he was not currently sleeping with made Severus' eyes narrow automatically. "Short conversation, no doubt," he sneered. "He hasn't the capacity for much more."

"Severus, don't. He's... he's always been the way he is. The thing is..." Regulus was no longer looking at Severus, hand drifting aimlessly across a pale chest as the uncertainty in his voice took on an edge of discomfort. "He's got a point, and I can't help but think that--"

"It is not your job to _think_ ," snarled Severus, tossing Regulus' hand away and pushing up onto his elbow to effectively glare at Regulus. "Especially not if your Blood Traitor of a brother is beginning to make sense. That kind of talk will get you killed."

Regulus scowled. "Man evolves because he thinks, Severus. It's what sets us apart from the animals."

Severus allowed his hand to drift along Regulus' ribs and up his arm, the motion becoming predatory as he swiftly pinned Regulus' wrist just beside his ear. "You did your thinking," he snarled, his eyes flicking purposefully to the Mark on Regulus' arm. "Now it's time to serve." He dropped his mouth to Regulus' throat and nipped lightly, soothing his tongue over the bite as he dragged his knee up Regulus' thigh.

Instead of responding to Severus as he always did, Regulus twisted out from under him with a none-too-gentle shove, rising from the bed and grabbing at his trousers as he stalked nude to the bathroom. "We'll see about that."

### 

**January 19, 1981**  
The tacklepin came out of nowhere late on a Sunday night and Severus almost laughed as Remus held him down easily, his strength more than doubled thanks to the coming moon. Remus pressed his mouth to the side of Severus' neck and Severus could feel the wolfish grin there as he ground his hips against him.

"I have nowhere to be until the moon," murmured Remus, aiming a playful bite at Severus' ear. "Which means you're at my terrible, animalistic mercy for another day and a half at least, during which we will hide out here and do unspeakable things to one another." He let his tongue drag up the side of Severus' neck. "What do you have to say to that, hmm?"

This time Severus did laugh, not for the first time surprised that it was a genuine bark of laughter as he turned his head to catch sight of Remus so obviously here because he wanted to be. He let his cheek drop onto the rug and smiled, his reply suffused with dry humor. "Whatever will I do?"

Remus laughed hard and went back to the business of murmuring ever more suggestive ideas as he alternately mauled and stripped a very willing Severus.

"You realize I have to brew tomorrow, wolf," muttered Severus as Remus shoved his trousers and pants down over the curve of his arse and flipped him over carelessly.

"Check," said Remus, his eyes alight with mischief, watching Severus, running strong, sure hands down his sides and hips. "I'll just stay in your bed and read while you're busy," he said, lowering his mouth level with Severus'. "Starkers."

Severus snorted another laugh and brought his hands up to tug at Remus' flies. "I'll brew Wednesday."

That was always a surprise, too-- the willingness with which he could embrace the prospect of time spent without a care to the outside world, even knowing he didn't deserve it. Remus made it so that he didn't care, and Severus found that he was in fact more than willing to give up and give in and give over any bit of information he could.

###

 **February 9, 1980**  
"It seems, Severus, that your protégé has decided to follow in his brother's footsteps after all," said the voice that never failed to inspire in him awe and fear. At the moment, however, Severus couldn't focus past the pain of the last Cruciatus curse that had ripped through his body as he lay panting on the hard stone floor. "This is an unacceptable failure on your part."

Swallowing hard, Severus had to try twice to form the correct words. "My Lord, please. I did all I could. I shou--"

His words were cut off by another Cruciatus, through which Severus could hear high-pitched laughter for a split-second before his own agonized scream drowned it out. It was over this time relatively quickly, and Severus coughed hard, a thin spatter of blood hitting the edge of his sleeve as he tried to push up off of the ground.

"Pathetic. I should have given him to Rabastan," the Dark Lord said, though he sounded more amused than anything. The laughter rang through the room again and Severus now recognized it as Bellatrix, who hadn't been anywhere in sight when he'd first been brought here. The Dark Lord's own laughter ended with a sigh as he called out, "Lucius, Bella." Bellatrix and Lucius were at his side in an instant, heads bowed. "Take care of the Blood Traitor."

The Dark Lord's eyes were on a trembling Severus as he cut off their worshipful murmurs of assent. "In fact--"

Severus could only stare in dread through strands of hair that had fallen in front of his face, struggling for each breath.

"--Bring Mr. Black here in order to carry out his punishment," said the Dark Lord, leaning his chin on his fist, still watching Severus with what could almost be mistaken for nonchalance. "Severus must learn his lesson if he's to improve himself."

###

 **November 2, 1981**  
"You fucking bastard!" Lupin roared. "You didn't-- you couldn't--"

Severus shook his head, reaching for Lupin's upper arms. "Remus, stop- just listen."

"You couldn't tell me that Sirius was the spy? What? Aching for your revenge so badly that you'd let James and Lily and Peter die? Let Harry almost die and end up with those fucking Muggles Lily hated so much?" Lupin's eyes welled as he shoved Severus away, hard enough that he slammed into the counter and set the things there rattling. "Let me be the only one left? You wanted revenge that badly?"

"Damn it, Lupin, don't be such a moronic Gryffindor!" snarled Severus, pushing away from the counter to narrow his eyes at Lupin again. "I didn't fucking know."

"Liar," Lupin snarled right back, moving in closer, the monumental hurt and anger flashing brightly in his eyes. "Filthy, lying _bastard_." At 'bastard', he pulled his fist back and swung, knuckles connecting with the soft flesh of Severus' abdomen, causing him to double over, completely winded and seeing stars. "Stay away from me."

As Severus fell to his knees, hand on the tile steadying himself, he saw Lupin stalk away without bothering to hide his Disapparation at the door. He held out on vomiting until after Lupin was gone.

Truly, what went around, came around.

###

 **November 9, 1981**  
Emmeline Vance met him at the drop spot (no longer his home). She bore a message from Dumbledore in regards to the untimely death of the Potions Master that had come in to replace the retired Horace Slughorn just this year, and whether Severus would be interested in the position on such short notice.

Severus nodded and handed his response to his new Order contact and did not think about Remus Lupin.

###

**_Postscript_ **

**June 27, 1994**  
A knock at the door never failed to put Severus on edge; in his life there had been very few good or comparatively good things that had come of opening doors for unsolicited visitors. Things were no different now and yet he drew himself up and opened the door just enough to ascertain who the visitor might be.

"Can I help y--"

His voice died away as he realized just who was standing on his doorstep. Lupin's tatty cardigan and trousers had apparently been eschewed in favor of a muggle-style oxford shirt and jeans, though his posture was instantly recognizable as he stood hands clasped in front of him.

A long silence lingered between them as Lupin met his eyes, and Severus finally spoke again.

"I'm not sorry," he said, referring to the events that had brought the school year to an end, knowing that Lupin would understand.

Lupin had the nerve to huff a small laugh. "I wouldn't expect you to be."

Severus narrowed his eyes, forcibly restraining himself from asking just what the hell the werewolf wanted. Instead, he surprised himself by saying, "I didn't know about Pettigrew. Or Black."

"I know," said Lupin, scrubbing a hand down the side of his face. "I believe that now."

Exasperated, Severus finally expressed some frustration as he leaned forward and snapped, "I don't know how you think I can fix any of this."

"I don't know either," Lupin shrugged. "I suppose I should go," he added, though his statement was incongruous with the fact that he hadn't made a move to shift off of Severus' front step.

After another long moment of silence, Severus gave in with a harsh exhalation and stood back from the door, murmuring an invitation that Lupin accepted with a gracious nod.

The door clicked shut behind him and the street was quiet again.


End file.
